Married to Jezebel: It’s All About Control


I don’t know. Maybe there’s a sign on my forehead that says “Advice Columnist” or something. Not that I mind (it’s quite flattering actually), but it seems lately that women come to me in droves either posing this question, or telling stories of being enthralled in a heated debate about it: “Why do women stay…?” As I listen to different one’s reasons, which are all valid, the signs all point to the one main culprit. The X factor is FEAR. Mind you, sometimes men stay too, for the very same reason.

Where does the fear come from? Ponder this: Sometimes we allow ourselves to be controlled by others without even knowing it. According to the biblical accounts of Queen Jezebel and King Ahab, there is a very good explanation for why this may be happening.

(Let me interject here: For clarity, the Biblical Jezebel was indeed, a WOMAN. However, the SPIRIT of Jezebel may manifest itself in a woman or a MAN, according to the book cited below. Now, back to your regularly scheduled reading…)

Steve Sampson, author of two very well written books (Confronting Jezebel and Discerning and Defeating the Spirit of Ahab) puts it all in plain English. Picture this: someone enters your life who will bend over backwards to do anything for you. They may buy you gifts, lunch, watch your children, cook for you, detail your car, or even give you money. Sounds like a real asset right? Maybe. Unless the flip side of all that giving comes with a hefty price. Before you know it, this once angelic person begins to throw it in your face the moment you do not comply with their wishes. Suppose while engaged in conversation you disagree with them (especially publicly), you’re subjected to the silent treatment for days or weeks on end? What if you find yourself suddenly faced with the threat of all those gifts (some of which you’ve probably become dependent upon) being no longer available to you. If you are inclined to keep going along to get along just to keep the peace, then you may be carrying the biblical “Ahab” spirit, and your friend, spouse, family member, boss or employee, male or female, is probably a Jezebel!

Ladies, I think it’s high-time we all cut Eve a little slack. Yes, she’s partly the blame for the excruciating pain we endure from month to month, as well as the unfathomable labor pains that come with childbirth, but she has much less to do with the perils of modern-day marriages. Jezebel and Ahab are to whom we owe that honor!

Queen Jezebel  Courtesy of http://www.biography.com
Queen Jezebel
Courtesy of http://www.biography.com

Now I know what you’re thinking. Queen Jezebel is typically thought to have been a harlot. True. However, her biggest claim to fame was actually her possession of power through manipulation and control. Poor King Ahab played right into her hands. Most men are unaware that the failure to take the spiritual lead in his household is a sin against God. Notice I said “spiritual” lead. If a man loves God, and loves his wife as Christ loves the church, then he is taking the spiritual lead. However, if a man establishes no spiritual leadership in the home, then the woman naturally assumes leadership duties, and can sometimes make a mess of things (no offense ladies…I am certainly not above reproach here either). A spiritual lead covers the home in Godly armor against spiritual warfare. A worldly lead conversely, opens the door to destruction. The only way to protect the home is to adhere to Genesis 2:24, which reads, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh (women, we need to cleave too!).”

Here’s the abbreviated story, somewhat. Queen Jezebel worshiped Baal who was the chief male pagan god when the Israelites first came into the promised land. God was already angry about the prevalence of idol worship and witchcraft, and had ordered the prophet Elijah to stand up against them (1 Kings 16: 22-33 NIV). Ahab made matters worse by marrying the already forbidden Jezebel in the first place, and began to serve Baal along with her (v 31)! It was only a matter of time before she began to kill off God’s prophets and replace them with false profits. When the pagan prophets met Elijah at Mount Carmel, an amazing thing happened. Elijah had set up two altars…one dedicated to Baal and one dedicated to God. When Elijah called upon God to send fire down to consume the sacrifice on his altar, fire came down from heaven immediately and consumed the offering. When the prophets of Baal asked their god to do the same…NOTHING. This infuriated Jezebel and she swore to kill Elijah in revenge. Poor old King Ahab sat idly by and let all of this go on for fear of what would happen to him if he stood up to his wife. Meanwhile, he learned how to manipulate Jezebel to satisfy his own selfish desires (1 Kings 21:1-15 NIV).

You see, there was a vineyard in Jezreel located near the palace of Ahab which belonged to Naboth the Jezreelite. Ahab said to the man, “Let me have your vineyard to use for a vegetable garden, since it is close to my palace. In exchange, I will give you a better vineyard or, if you prefer, I will pay you whatever it is worth.” Naboth replied, “The Lord forbid that I should give you the inheritance of my ancestors.” This is where the web was woven. After Naboth declined to fulfill Ahab’s wishes, he instinctively went to a place where he knew he could get what he wanted…home to Jezebel. He laid in bed, assumed the position and sulked. Woe is me. I couldn’t get what I wanted from that mean man. No fair! In verses 5-7, Jezebel came in, asked what was wrong and listened attentively as her husband pouted. “Is this how you act as king over Israel (shot to his manhood)? Get up and eat! Cheer up. I’ll get you the vineyard of Naboth the Jezreelite (power-move = I do this for you and now I OWN you).” So, she wrote letters in her husband’s name and ordered Naboth to be stoned to death! He was surely killed, and without a shred of guilt, Ahab went down and claimed the vineyard. Afterwards, Elijah prophesied that Ahab and his descendants would be killed and that Jezebel would be eaten by dogs (1 Kings 21:17-24).

This is a classic codependent relationship. A Jezebel desperately needs an Ahab in order to function, and an Ahab relies on a Jezebel to get what he or she wants. Although she mercilessly controls her Ahab, anyone who upsets him is bound to feel her wrath! Thus, he is rendered powerless, after she saves him time after time, and she is firmly in control. Do understand this: Jezebels aren’t exclusive to marriages!

One common product of this type of relationship is the “mama’s boy.” There’s a neat little piece at the Institute of Love that explains it quite nicely. In essence, a mama’s boy has been coddled and enabled by his mother all of his life, which causes him to become very dependent on her. In other relationships, he finds it difficult to fully commit to a woman or God, which would mean that he would have to break the emotional dependency he has on his mother.  These mothers maintain control by continuing to support their sons financially, well into adulthood, uphold him in wrong (especially in relationship matters), and threaten to stop supporting him should he ever turn against her. The Institute of Love writes,

“Guys, who are “mama’s boys,” are not able to be godly boyfriends or husbands, because they will need to share their attention and love with their moms. You, as their girlfriend or wife, are going to feel treated secondary, frustrated, and hurt, and nothing is going to change as long as they continue to cater to their mothers.”

Steve Sampson writes in Confronting Jezebel,

“A man who is an Ahab has a distorted concept of his own authority, blames others (mainly his wife), justifies himself, leans on his wife, is a “mama’s boy,” is irresponsible and relinquishes authority over his house. Weak and childish, he pouts, is spoiled and throws temper tantrums….A woman can also become an Ahab, especially if she is married to a man with a Jezebel spirit. Fearing a loss of financial security, she may become passive and surrender her authority and dignity in God to a controlling man. Whether male or female, those who have an Ahab spirit refuse to take their rightful place in God’s call.”

“An Ahab-passive wife often is afraid to stand up to or disagree with her husband, so she blames herself for the way things are, telling herself that everything is her fault. Her dominating husband (who is spiritually weak and lacks the heart of a servant) intimidates her with his size and projected male hierarchy. He is not a leader, but a dictator. She may capitulate to passivity and stay in the marriage merely out of fear or for financial security.

Also, a woman with Ahab tendencies is sincere and wants strength, but she often will end up following a man who seems sensitive but turns out to be a manipulator. Such a wife ends up being offended by her husband because he does not lead her well or protect her, and she feels unloved. And rather than making healthy and assertive choices such as insisting on counseling, she eventually may lose all her self-esteem and shut down.”

Seriously, pick up the book. I can’t make this stuff up!

This is the kicker: should you, the Ahab, EVER try to break free from your controller, the Jezebel, there will be WAR. Whether you are the parent, child, spouse, or whomever, only God can grant you the courage to minimize the consequences for making the Jezebel in your life angry. Remember, the Jezebel is fuelled by power. If you gain the strength to withstand and rebuke manipulation and control, then the very person who tries to control you is thus, rendered powerless. A Jezebel has a hardened heart that lacks humility. Don’t busy yourself with ideas of ways to change such a person. The only person you can change is YOU!

Back to the story…Three years after Jezebel had Naboth stoned, Ahab died in battle. His son, Ahaziah inherited the throne, but died in an “accident” where he fell from a balcony. Jezebel’s second son, Joram succeeded him. He died too (see where this is going?). As for old Jezzy, she sat high up in her window, looking out one day, fully made up and hair “dyed and fried”. Elijah’s successor, Elisha had appointed Jehu to be his successor, that he may destroy Ahab’s  descendants as a punishment for the way Jezebel had treated God’s people. Then, he ordered Jezebel’s own servants to throw her out of that very window, sprinkle blood on the walls and trample upon her corpse (pity). Later when the servants went to bury her, they found only her skull, feet, and the palms of her hands. Her flesh had been eaten by dogs, just as Elijah had prophesied (2 Kings 9:35-36).

Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord (Romans 12:19 KJV).

Advertisements

29 thoughts on “Married to Jezebel: It’s All About Control

  1. I hardly create responses, but after browsing through a few of the remarks on Married to
    Jezebel: Its All About Control | Social Juggernaut.

    I actually do have 2 questions for you if it’s okay. Could it be simply
    me or do a few of these comments come across like they are left by brain dead individuals?
    😛 And, if you are posting on additional online social sites, I would like to follow everything fresh you
    have to post. Could you post a list of all of your public sites like your twitter feed, Facebook
    page or linkedin profile?

    Like

  2. Dan

    So if I’m married to a Jezebel (which I am) there’s no way for her to change, or for things to get better? The only choices are to get along or get going? My wife kicked me out a couple weeks ago because I didn’t agree with her about something she said was going on. And she won’t respond to my emails. I haven’t gone back because she threatened me not to. But if I were to go back, and be let back in, nothing would change? I’d be right back to either agreeing with everything she says and does, or receiving her wrath? Everyone else is too afraid to disagree with her about anything. I’m the only one who ever does (thus, I’m kicked out.) But what am I supposed to do in this situation? I’m struggling between “God hates divorce” (even though my wife demands one), being one flesh with my wife, and letting no man put asunder; and “if the unbeliever departs let him (or her) depart.” I’m not afraid of her like I used to be, but I also don’t want to go back to a life of miserable fights, anger, hatred, berating, lies, false accusation, back stabbings, gossip, wicked speech, threats, violence, etc. I wish I could just be married to my wife, without Jezebel being there too, because my wife, when she’s herself, is absolutely wonderful. I love my wife with all my heart. It’s Jezebel I can’t stand.

    Like

  3. Richie

    Dan, I just want to encourage you. Research the Jezebel and Ahab spirit and start by making sure you do not have the Ahab spirit. Don’t give up, that’s what the enemy wants you to do. Seek council from God and ask him to guide you and if necessary provide someone to help you and pray for your wife. Your wife wants out of the spirit of Jezebel, the Power of God can help you free her!

    Like

  4. Dan, she will NOT change. My first few years of marriage was wonderful. Then the jezebel spirit took over. My wife got breast implants, tummy tuck and gastric bypass and totally turned against me and her own children. We separated for 2 years trying to get back together. We are now divorcing. She stays at the bar chasing young men showing off her jezebel body. Our job is getting past such women that are not Godly…good luck and God bless.

    Like

    1. Brian — you are missing the point! jezebel is a SPIRIT from hell!! which, by definition, means the battle is spiritual. to say ‘she will NOT change’ is to forget that the battle is the Lord’s and His arm is NOT too short to save!! the spirit of jezebel is powerful, but when seen through the Cross is puny and can be overcome!!

      Like

  5. rovert

    Richie; I identify with your pain, as I am in a similar position. The woman I married has mostly disappeared and has been overtaken by this evil control seeking, prideful, accusing spirit. I have repeatedly sought for us to engage in Godly counsel, or bible reading and prayer together or just simple conversation. This is always refused.
    People on the outside don’t see the manifestation of This spirit. It hides itself when challenged in public through counselling sessions or when in public.
    She increasingly misses going to church in preference to being by herself. I really hate this spirit upon her and get weary trying to love her out of Jezebels control. All I ever seem to read from Christian leaders, authors and the like is love your wife as Christ loved the church. The wife also has a responsibility to walk in Godly respect to her husband.

    I get disappointed also when others state that her conduct is a reflection of my Godliness. Point being, My wife has responsibility to make Godly choices also.

    If my spouse refuses to allow the power of God to have control over our situation how can there be reconciliation. We know that God resists the proud. How can this spirit then be rid of? I cover my family and my marriage with regular prayer and am desperate for God to be revealed in our home as in earlier times. I am mindful that marriage is a covenant with God and do not take that responsibility lightly. I would love to know If marriages actually get through this by coming out the other side of this evil. If so, what did they do?, what was their breakthrough?, what ‘actually’ happened.?

    Like

    1. Rovert, I can say that the Jezebel spirit is one of the most vicious ever. In my situation, I found that God chose not to loose those in my life who carried the sprit. Rather, He saw fit to remove me from the toxic exposure to them. As sad as it makes me to say this, my health, peace, happiness, and outlook on life have all improved drastically. I believe there is hope for you and your marriage. It will depend on how resilient you are and how long you can wait on Him to intercede.

      Like

      1. At first i thought it was a terrible joke, than she said “it is part of her family curse to destroy men” She gave me examples of her entire family that what they do” She told me not one minute of it was real, not one. Her family perfected the plan while they were in NV together. i was an easy target and because she had me she could now return to asking like a good little church girl and prophetess and i look like a fool.
        i could believe the voice that said “She is the one also said it over” Her best friend said i don’t even need to pray any more, because she don’t know who this woman now is, her best who flew in to stand as her maid of honor” Our pastor said he can’t believe this. Her entire family has covered her. I even been ask to get out of town. I went to the cross and i am allowing the blood to be applied. I had more than 4 people check us out together. Praying, ministering and still it was all a bunch of crap. Generation curses, Jezebel had daughters.. My motorcycle club brothers & sisters had been praying i would find a wife. One lady had a friend in New York for me to meet. i at the cross and letting the blood come down and take care of me. This hurts like hell. I’m gonna pray for you Dan. In the name of Jesus.

        Like

  6. Denice

    I am in the process of getting a divorce from my husband who has the Jezebel spirit. I feel like I’m fighting pure evil with the spirit of manipulation in total control. At one point I was afraid of him, now that I am out of his house I must not take down or I will have nothing. I am trusting God. It took me a little over 8 years to walk away. I thank God I feel better every day.

    Like

      1. roldon9091

        Hi Joan,

        Do you believe a wife with a Jezebel spirit can be a believer? I am marrying a man who recognizes the Ahab spirit he carried during his 17 year marriage to a Jezebel spirit. She didnt show herself in the beginning, -but looking back he says she did use tactics and manipulation to gain his trust and then ultimately love in order to marry. He was unsaved and she proclaimed to be saved. They had two children together and joined a local church before he was saved. One day he became very convicted about fornication and not being married. He was eventually saved and baptised. She however stood on her childhood salvation and even though backsliden, did not feel she had to reconcile with Christ. Through the years he noticed that she would never humble herself in church, receive correction or even go to alter call. In church she would speak in tongues and praise God, but once in the car with him and the kids she would stir up fights and confusion. He never understood how she could be one way in church and immediately change when alone with her family. When he became a deacon, she became deaconess. When he became a Pastor, she also became a Pastor out of desire and not calling. She admitted to not being led, but felt she “could do it better”. To make a long story short – she put him through hell in the marriage and he found him self retaliating more and more. She withheld sex constantly and he allowed the enemy to take a foothold in him through sex. Porn, women…. He was at the lowest in his life and towards the latter part of his marriage found the strength to reveal that he had turned to porn. She berated him and attacked him almost daily. With this he feared telling her about the women… so he prayed and they sought Godly counsel on three separate occasions… sessions with her Pastor (yes she later joined a separate church where she could operate freely) their family Pastor where he remained and a more neutral pastor. She admitted to no wrong and did not open herself to conviction and repentance. The marriage continued to erode and he eventually left. We met later and dated. He filed for divorce. She stopped speaking to him entirely and slandered him in church and in the City. She was the victim and he was the vile cheating woman beater. We eventually had a child. He say down from ministry but she did not. He and I plan to get married in 2017. He has repented to God and had also sought her forgiveness of his wrongdoing during their marriage. He does not exist to her. She had poisoned his adult children, but he won their love and trust back through prayer and persistence with communication and his own desire to show he loves them without condition. Through it all he wants nothing bad to happen to her he has no desire to be with her. She constantly tells her the children that he is an adulterer and I am a jezebel and that he are headed to hell. She says til death…. yet has no desire to deal with the man who she still believes is her husband. Not even cordially. I see this as more abuse.. I pray for him and that anything within him that is broken, will be fixed.

        Thank you for listening and God bless!

        Like

    1. Fran

      I’m goin thru same thing except my husband has Jezebel spirit
      He doesnt want deliverance
      Is there a. Book to show them
      I have been praying for 11 years he doesn’t want help
      We went to counseling he lies we come out me looking like I have Jezebel cause he lies N spirit hides

      Like

  7. sarah

    married 27 years, my charming ,handsome, , unteachable, narcissist ,sociopath, manipulative, intelligent, bible knowledge, prayer warrior, evangelist, husband. He believes he is a powerful intercessor, bible believer, righteous ,forgiven man, who sends rebuke and scripture to us all , for our sins are many., over the years
    He has repented of adultery, prostitution, pornography connected best ology , incest touching of our daughter, as well as sexual relationship with having with a girl helped for 10 years . has spent every cent he ever made .
    the girls have choses to stay with him for he has convinced them that I Am mentally ill.His emotional abuse so convincing that everything was my fault, I was so confused about my walk with God.
    pretty darn close to total nervous breakdown
    what a legacy
    what a witness to all my unbelieving relatives
    my adult sons are in absolute despair,
    oldest son married the same kind of woman who
    is nicely trying to manipulate me through my suffering
    I am going through rollercoaster of emotions and fear

    I have left clothes on my back, lived in 12 different homes last 2 months, I need prayer, wisdom, strength, because I have to have the strength ,to divorce this man .I told police everything my daughter refuses to press charges. how horrible trying to find Godly counsel with limited resources.
    God Bless you all out there
    God is our defence praise God
    sarah

    Like

    1. I am confessing ever day what I want God to do in my life and my situation. I declare and decree that I am the righteousness of God, and that I am His child and His servent and that my life is in His hsnds. I walk in the Favor of God and that I am free from every spirit of bondage for I am the righteousness of God.
      Create your daily confession as to what you want God to do for you. Speak your confession over your life and your children and stand on what you are confessing.
      God will proform His perfect will in your life. You are the head and not the tail, you are the lender and not the barrower, you are above only and not the beneath. Know that the Lord God is your everything and in him we live and move and have your being. There’s no power in hell can keep you bound, just trust in the God of our salvation.

      Like

    2. Dave

      Sarah, I don’t know if this will help. I feel compelled to write to you. In many ways, I feel the same as you do, if that helps. I find myself alienated from my children, and from my wife’s family. For that matter my own family. I have gone from someone who considered himself to be a stable reliable, stand-up guy to someone who now doubts himself daily about everything.

      In part I blame my self because I did not recognize an Ahab spirit (mainly passivity due to enormous self doubt) that I let into my marriage and grow. I am reaping the fruits of that now. I STILL BELIEVE! I guess that is what I need to tell you. Don’t give up. I’m trying not to myself. We fight against a powerful and evil spiritual darkness. It sounds weak on my part that the only thing I can offer is prayer, from someone who is dire need of prayer himself. I pray you can endure, and not loose faith.

      Like

    3. miguel

      well you need to just walk way and never look back,. never go look for work plus stop thinking about him because what i see is confusion desperation and thats what this spirit brings when you see him you have to be aggresived the kingdom suffer violence and the we take it by force so when you speak with him say STOP IN THE NAME OF JESUS NOW AND BE QUITE IN JESUS NAME.. do it

      Like

    4. Prayerman

      I have almost lost myour mind and my life several times, because I am married to a Jezebel woman. Even though, I am stronger and regained my self confidence (in my faith in Christ), I do not know what to do. It is a life-long prison. These kind of people are definitely not Christians if you truly see what accepting Christ means. These people are demons in human flesh that join churches. Most pastors can not spiritually isolate and see this spirit. It is truly hard to discern.

      Like

  8. Boy-son

    now that I know, I have a ahab spirit and the girlfriend I am planning to get married too has a Jezebel spirit. what can I do ?

    Like

  9. Michelle

    All these responses show me several thing one none of ya not in the least hd God fully in your life you trusted what ithers said but not God or His spirit. Some of you all sound like you have a jezebel spirit how dare any of you come on here to tear down spouses or former spouses..thats what i did and guess what it doesnt work. Unlike any of you i swear until God tells me to quit I am determined to fight for my family even though I am the one this controlling too.
    Yes my husband is having an affair guess what she has a Jezebel spirit too. Im a prayer warrior im in this for the long haul. Never back down never quit until God tells me to.

    Like

  10. Angie Hernandez

    I believe this article is very good and it is accurate. However, I think a point that I did not appreciate is to say that “the men with an ahab spirit are mamas boys”. It’s very interesting because all the Jezebel spirits; that I have recognized in young marriages —–the women are the mamas girls to the point that these men with the ahab spirit are not allowed to call or visit their mothers. Yet they are ALWAYS with their mothers and family never willing to spend time or allow husbands to spend time with their mothers. It is written Honor your father and mother. That is just as important as all other commands of God. And to honor is to hold in high esteem. You can say honey I love you but guess what my mother is my mother and I will visit her with or without you and I really wish you would accompany me. No I will not speak of our personal problems or anything about our marriage but I will visit my mother because it’s her God given right that I do not forget her. Just like you cannot forget your own mother. That’s the main point I would like to bring up. Great article and insight.

    Like

  11. Bill

    Man just reading this I pray for all of you , in these last days jezbel and witch craft is tearing down marriages if you don’t go through something then you will never understand how to help the next person I am married to a jezbel wife for 27 years I have gained so much knowledge about the jezbel and witchcraft spirit now I can help someone else, put God’s divine order back in your marriage get back in you position their will be war but don’t let it change you stand your ground take what ever comes your way God is standing with you if it don’t kill you it will make you stronger and don’t be lazy and don’t go to sleep jezbel is watching and listening to everything you do or say so it can use it against you because it need a reason to attact you and tear you down so it can get back in headship become a dead man nothing will get next to you and you will never be pulled out of character , your submission is to Jesus Christ stand your ground do the word he will protect you cover you provide for give your total life to him every area because you can’t fix it but he can . remember don’t give place to jezbel or (wife ) because she will take you to the judge and the judge will give you to the bayor and he will put you in jail and you will have to pay every penny before you can get out don’t give that spirit that kind of power that’s where the name calling and tearing down come from I have so much I could say , I stand with you all God bless you stay strong keep standing and your situation will change through it all you have become partakers of Christ suffering I count it all joy.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s